Anyway people, welcome to my newest blog. It's really more like a diary, but I'm not really worried about keeping it private. No one I know will read this so whatever.
I'm going to write here about dreams I have and want to remember. I tend to have pretty vivid dreams and usually forget them after like a day, so this is a way to remember. I'll likely also look for meaning in my dreams. Not that it really means anything at all, but just as a speculation. I don't really take heed in my totally made up on the spot psychology, but reflecting never hurts. Usually.
So last night's dream. Of course, it's been eleven hours, but I'll do my best.
I was in a place with either older people (like a couple years) or more experienced people or something (or maybe both), because I was kind of clueless or new and I was looking to them for advice. What I was doing, I have no idea. But the "head guy," or who I assumed was the head guy, approached me and asked me what I was doing. Not in a kind, "I can help you" kind of way, but in a "what the hell are you doing?" kind of way. I wasn't offended by it though, because I had no idea what I was doing and was just standing there looking around. Whatever was going on, it seems busy. Everyone was running around and doing stuff. So he wasn't too out of place to ask me. A little rude, maybe, but right.
He was a tall (much taller than me), thin guy with dark brown hair. Throughout the dream, he seemed almost arrogant and almost uncaring. In more of a detached way than an asshole way though. Almost like Hikaru from Host Club. But not a prankster like him.
So now there's a big empty part in the dream I don't remember, but I know he helped me with something because I started thinking he isn't such a bad guy. Then I was in a situation where this random middle aged man and a woman (his mother?) were trying to...hurt me, prostitute me, kill me...something along those lines, if not all of them. I know at one point, the man was trying to sleep with me and for whatever reason, I couldn't just tell him no or go tell someone. I went to the boy from the beginning for advice and he (calmly, mind you. It was as if this was normal...) suggested I tell him I can only do it if --insert ridiculous situation here--. I don't remember exactly what it was. Like if the room was filled with bubbles, or something crazy like that. Whatever he suggested or I ended up going with, it bought me some time. The man thought it was weird. --and rightfully so.
So the next thing I remember, the guy (from the beginning again) is desperately trying to hide me. We're running around this house (or building of some sort. It almost seemed like a fraternity) and he's looking for a good place. We're completely panicked because the middle aged man is after me. I finally get put into a small room (storage closet?) and the guy locks me in and runs off to intercept or drive the man away from me. I was absolutely terrified for both myself and the guy. Suddenly, something is stabbed through the door I'm leaning against. It was like a metal shard or something. It's the middle aged man. I move (obviously) and he continues to tear away and through the door. I'm shaking in fear and tears are streaming down my face but I couldn't utter a sound. I could see his crazy mad face through where he had partially destroyed the door to try to get in. He was clearly trying to kill me. What I did to piss him off so much? I'll never know.
The man stops for whatever reason and something happens outside the door to the side where I couldn't see. Then the door opens and the guy kneels down toward me. I literally spring up and hug him (this is the good one, of course) as tightly as I can. He was also clutching on to me tightly and was shaking, I noticed. He said something along the lines of, "it's okay," or "you're safe," or something. Clearly though, he had been worried about me and cared about me. Total 360 from the beginning, and I wish I remembered more of the middle. It was very movie-esque.
Now, when we were embracing, it was like we fit together perfectly. I felt safe -which makes sense with the surrounding situation- and very comfortable. Neither of us wanted to let go and I don't remember if we did before I woke up. Now, I know it wasn't a romantic-type embrace, but I felt something very strongly with him and I don't know if it was like I wanted to be with him or if it was a best friend/brother type thing. Obviously I didn't love him. It was maybe the span of a couple days in my dream, and let's be real (Ha! Pun.). But I definitely didn't want to be without him.
Oh, so to clarify, I'm 20, he was early 20's ish, and like half of my friend's a boys. I'm not one of those skanks who get with them though. I mean actual friends. So the idea of him being like a best friend would not be out of the norm. And I have a boyfriend.
Anyway, so that's the dream. I've been thinking about it all day (which says a lot since we had a Halloween party at work today). Normally, I think over my dreams, but this was way more than normal. So now for the fake psychology time.
I'm very independent. I don't go to others for help and I rarely except help. So maybe this is my subconscious telling me I need someone to be there for me. Someone I can go to with anything. I don't really have a best friend other than my boyfriend. I just have a lot of really close friends. And my boyfriend, while he's the most amazing person I could ever dream to be with (Ha! There I go again.), he's not very strong, you might say. He's not great with real emotional situations and he tends to come to me with life advice and help. And physically he's not exactly strong, but I'm not in to buff guys. But sometimes I feel like I just need someone I can fall into. Someone I could go to and ask for advise and help.
Also, I've been off on an internship alone for two months now, away from all my family and friends. So clearly physical contact like a hug is seriously missed. Maybe that's one reason I didn't want to let go.
Either way, I wish I could go back to that dream and spend more time with him.
But now I'm hungry. So until next time!
